late summer 2009

moved back to hall
and back from the trip to taiwan

the trip was great
it was the ever trip hanging out somewhere away from here
and the ever best time holding my beloved's hand day by day, night by night =]
all stuffs left here as flying away, memories brought back as the flight gone back
new days coming, new life as usual, with a different mind

my internship is ended, followed by a part-time duty
to complete not completed
i know taking this job would be a bit as busier as another fyp
2 fyps and a tuition job right now
wondering whether all aspects can be handled properly
forgive me please as something is gonna go wrong

o camp started as usual, but a special one
suspended on the 6th day
due to the spread of flu and fever everywhere in the hall
7/f suffers most heavily
people got fever one by one, including jo sons & daughters, cores and me
same situation in other floors
sought flu clinic this afternoon and tamiflu is prescribed
while 1 hall mate got confirmed at the same time
people are moving out this afternoon and common areas are being disinfected
now i'm suspected and i think i am the one
wearing mask all the time
and quarantining from family and my beloved
because they should not be infected

what everyone can do now is sitting and waiting
maybe waiting for symptom coming up
maybe waiting for suspected to confirmed
maybe getting recovered
anyway a special, half-passed o camp this year
and the availability of coming orientations is still uncertain...

busy summer

i've been working non-stop during my internship period. several positions and stuff have kept me busy for over weeks. endless trial and error from my work, website banner, frequent fyp meetings and preparation deadlines, though summer still hasn't come to a half, hockey regular practice, and now preparation for the coming trip to kenting. rarely i could leave the office, back home directly and take a rest for that night. i could never imagine how valuable an 8-hour sleep and a free afternoon at weekend are before working in this so-called office hours. dare say i'm absolutely not ready for leaving the school and living in this way for the rest of my life. let me get back my wonderful beautiful hall life full of joy and freedom soon. enjoy my last summer vacation and my last university life.

postscript
losing memory and my consciousness
- no idea of why giving that response or behaving like that

at the end of my life

i found i lost memory quickly
when it's come to the 2nd summer in my university life
i have no idea what i've done in the last one
and something happened in my secondary school life is kind of missing in my mind
i used to have so many college schoolmates
at least 5 years we're going to the same place every morning
but i can't recognise someone on facebook was once a schoolmate in college
how about classmates? how about my friends?
who are they? how did we know each other?

i found i'd refuse to meet someone long time no see, especially in a mass gathering
i prefer a small one
while we're getting farther, our conversation is getting fewer
who made us close friends? and who tore us apart?
are there any forever friends?
or just seldom gathering?

time passes by in this way
and my memory is losing at that rate
spending my whole life chasing after this and these
at the end of day, will i still remember why?
will i recognise who i am?

i don't know why
i just know that it's the end
at the end of my life

nervousness

這個禮拜得到了「神經緊張」
很莫名奇妙
那徵狀是無時無刻都在想某幾件事
無論食 lunch，坐地鐵，即使知道自己很累，但是都沒法在巴士上入睡
我知道這是因為最近的壓力比較大
我嘗試拿出 ipod 聽音樂
結果是很用心地留意歌手唱出的歌詞
無法享受那些一直都很美妙的旋律

最近的壓力其實來自我的實習工作和 fyp
上班已經來到第四個星期末
自問好像沒有做出甚麼成績
我感到有點迷茫，其實他想我做些甚麼出來？
倒是不斷閱覽了很多很多不同的資料
由最初的 asp.net, ms sql, axis video encoder, seetec...
到最近的 opencv, openmp, opencl, cuda, ati stream api...
很多很混亂
首先要清楚自己想做甚麼，然後要確定該軟件的用途
有時候看得太多 documentation 會感到困惑
一大堆 option，要自己適當地選擇合適的應用方法
有時候他又會說其實是怎樣怎樣做...

最近 fyp 的工作不知不覺間便展開了
reynold 說要一星期開一次會
不明白為甚麼要這麼趕急
現在的生活已經令我連自己的私人時間都沒剩幾許
還要事先閱讀四份長達 12 頁的 paper
實在太辛苦
其實我也不明白這個 topic 要做甚麼
到底完成了對社會有甚麼貢獻，有甚麼可應用
這令我喪失了對此奮鬥的興趣
直至早前的一次討論，事情才逐漸明朗
開始知道做甚麼，也相信會有三個同伴一起並肩作戰
心裡的不安才得以釋放⋯

不過「神經」仍然是有點「緊張」
聽著音樂仍然只聽到歌詞
今天很累很累了，今夜可以睡個夠嗎？

nasal allergy

久未聽歌
把耳機放進耳朵裡
某個程度的聲波都被沒有聽到
原來要把音量調到某個水平聲音才會進入腦袋
音量調高了，就聽到這一首


　　　　　　　　講　再不要扮啞
　　　　　　是否約會她　可有嫌疑嗎
　　　　　　　　前夜有沒有歸家

　　　　　　　　假　證供要是假
　　　　害怕再追查　但香水氣味使我疑惑
　　　　　　　　再三逼供那樣可怕

　　　　別要盤問　無奈髮端香氣太過陌生
　　一直令我疑慮　才迫你　追根究底問到這樣深

　　　　　　鼻太敏感　還是太愛惜你
　　　　　　　才能使我信心失陷
　　　　一次盤問換一次仇恨　然後被你憎

　　　　　　　明明熱心　驟變疑心
　　　　　做情人忘記信任　只因我情深
　　　　為何這麼著緊你　仍令我內疚得很

　　　　　　　淪陷愈深　愈見難堪
　　　　　　做平和情侶也是　講天份
　　　　如傻人無知　學傻人愚蠢　對待你
　　　　　　　難道我顯得更吸引

　　　　是我愚笨　查閱你的短訊太過認真
　　只恨未夠成熟　才不懂鬆緊法則　為你太著緊

　　　　　　鼻太敏感　還是女性本能
　　　　　　　長期使我愛得執著
　　　　給你全部情感也流露　蠶蝕自信心

　　　　　　　明明熱心　驟變疑心
　　　　　做情人忘記信任　只因我情深
　　　　為何這麼著緊你　仍令我內疚得很

　　　　　　　淪陷愈深　愈見難堪
　　　　　　做平和情侶也是　講天份
　　　　如傻人無知　學傻人愚蠢　對待你
　　　　　　　無奈我當初太激憤

　　　　　　　　想　敏感有用嗎
　　　　　　太真確便假　需要懷疑嗎
　　　　　　　　誰願意偏執到可怕


心裡有一種感覺
很同情故事中的主角
她的遭遇很不幸，很多很多苦惱
愛是痛苦的，愈深愈痛
如果只是鼻太敏感，還可以找藥醫治
但是到了再三逼供那樣可怕
究竟是那一方出了問題？
裝作不知，還是應該繼續偏執？
愛，變成一種過敏症
久之引發併發症而死亡
最初鼻敏感是怎樣形成的
可以找回治癒的辦法嗎？